The Topline: Working From Home, Homeschooling and Finding Joy

This episode of The Topline is for every working parent out there who is serving as the teacher, primary parent and emotional backbone of their families during this crazy year, and who needs a bit of permission and help to rediscover their own joy. I talked with Errin Saleh from Chicago, a digital marketing consultant and mother who offered a beautiful perspective on taking care of ourselves as parents.

What’s your family and work scenario?

Errin: I am married. I have two wonderful, crazy kids. A 10-year-old son and an eight-year-old daughter. They're in fifth and third grade.

We are in the greater Chicago area, we've been here for going on 10 years. I am an independent consultant within the digital marketing agency life. I chose to leave full agency life about 10 years ago when my son was born and it's the independence that comes, it does come with a lot of hiccups, but it has given me the freedom and the flexibility to take care of a busy family, for sure.

My husband works within the medical supply chain for Abbott. And for the last five months we got really used to him being home. He was grounded from business travel and we really enjoyed it. He's a hands-on dad and he really helped. I really just appreciated the time that we had and the extra help, especially now that fall e-learning is back on.

But a couple of weeks ago that all changed and he had to travel, he's traveling now for a lengthy amount of time and it's unraveling as we speak. So he is one of few on a team that is building a manufacturing site in New York to increase productivity on COVID testing. He can't come home for at least a month, but it looks like it's going to be longer, until the site is up and running. And it's hard trying to be super supportive and managing the household. But we both have had to sacrifice quite a bit.

So you're “single momming” it now.

Errin: I really am. Yeah, I really am. And, I mean, we were used to him traveling so pre-COVID he would travel, but no more than 10 days at a time. So that was easy breezy. We got used to that, but as you know, e-learning, it's around the clock and my kids are both in a private parochial school and the curriculum is super robust, which is, I mean, in theory, it's great, but when you're kind of a one-woman shop these days, their schooling is from eight to four during the day, something has to give.

I mean, I am thankful that I do have the flexibility not to have a full-time job. Our finances weren't dependent upon my job, so it gives me the flexibility to be here, but man am I burnt out and some things have to be put on hold and one of those things has been my passion work. That's had to take a back seat for now.

Do you miss work?

Errin: I do. And it's just one of those things that has helped to keep me full and satisfied and motivated.

I mean, as all moms, no matter what level of your career you're in, you love your family, you love your kids, but you need to keep that part of yourself separate from family life.

And I feel like there's just a lot of blending right now. And quite honestly, there's really not much of a career right now. It's put on hold.

So overall, how have your kids impacted your career path?

Errin: They were the reason why I decided to go independent and that was 10 years ago when my son was born. And luckily, we were able to do it and even make that choice. And I know a lot of families, especially now, are just struggling and again, my husband was really supportive of it, but with that it's almost like the grass is always greener. But then I have so many friends in so many different places within their life that are just having a hard time.

No matter if you're a CEO of a company, if you're a full-time mom at home, or if you're trying to balance it all, it's a juggling act no matter what.

When you think about trying to be your most creative self what conditions do you need around you to make that possible?

Errin: None of which I have right now. So I would say without a doubt, guaranteed quiet moments. I'd say space to be creative and time. None of which I have. And quite honestly, I don't feel that my creativity is there anymore. I mean, you have kids home all day, it's around the clock, and being a teacher. I mean as a mom you're naturally a teacher to an extent. The level of teaching has gone to significant heights that I've never even imagined would. I'm sitting there with them learning the curriculum. They're not independent workers yet. They're not old enough yet to be able to just do it on their own. So yeah, it's just been a struggle.

And then on top of that, when you add in just the stuff, the world events, country events, all the things that, it's just in your face. You can turn off your phone, you can shut down your computer, but it's still present. And as a black woman I can't just forget it. I send my kids out to play, I'm around kids, and we're in a great neighborhood, but you just don't know what can happen. I'm worried about my husband traveling and contracting COVID. I'm worried about elderly parents and friends and family that are financially strapped. It's just, there's no room for creativity I feel like.

What do you do to de-stress or to relax?

Errin: One of the things that I find so important is to diversify the things that bring you balance and joy. So for example, my job, the passion work that I was doing is on hold, but it has opened me up to health and fitness, which I've also been really passionate in. So it's kind of allowed me to immerse myself in that with the little bit of free time that I've forced myself to have. The other thing is church ministry. I've started to volunteer and it's all virtual which helps, but I've been able to volunteer in the women's ministry within my church. So that still allows me to have some social time, to be of service, to be helpful. And really just trying to embrace the time with your kids. As hard as that can be because you're with them around the clock, but I try to remember that this time, the season we're in, it's just a blip in the screen, it's not going to last, it's not forever. And these kids are growing like light speed.

What's one thing you would tell other working parents as a tip?

Errin: It kind of goes back to that, especially for moms, no matter again what level in your career you're at, it's just a constant balancing act and you have to fight for that space for just yourself and it's worth the fight.

I had to learn how to diversify the things that bring me joy. So if you have one thing that you absolutely love, find three things that you love.

And if you don't know what it is, you have to search for it because at the end of the day, you can't be your best self and you can't bring value to your family life or work life without it. You've got to find that inner peace.

Have you let go of something since all this started that you just don't care about anymore or don't worry about anymore?

Errin: It's a battle. But again, with my work, I'm like, man, I'm not productive. I'm very hard on myself, but I've just had to let that go. And I've had to realize that it's my kids, they're who need me the most, that's what needs my focal point or my focus and my attention right now. That's the most important thing.

Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like super woman and it's successful and in other days I'm like, man, why can't I just write copy?

I just want to write copy for a client. So it just depends on the day. I mean, if you can find your motivation, obviously my kids are my motivation, being supportive of my husband right now is motivation. He's exhausted, but his motivation is helping people. He's in a situation where he can help millions of people right now. So you just have to look for it. It's sometimes hard to find that motivation though.

What about family traditions or things you guys have started doing during this time that you want to keep doing?

Errin: Family bike rides. We would just not only ride around the neighborhood, but we would find long bike trails and just do that as a family. So that was a lot of fun. 

How much of your e-learning time that you spend with them do you think you spend teaching versus troubleshooting?

Errin: Hm, that's a good question. I think it's 50-50 quite honestly because I'm finding it's new for the teachers too. And at my kid's school they actually do have, it's like 60% of, there are kids that are in person. And so they allowed the parents to make decisions on whether you send your kids back or you waited out the next trimester, you have an option to send them back. So we decided to do e-learning for the first trimester, see how it goes, and then decide. So we have teachers that are doing both and their time is split. So there is a lot of technology issues, there's a lot of just troubleshooting with that alone nevermind once you're ready to get into the curriculum, then you have to spend a couple hours understanding it yourself before you can share it with the kids. So I would say 50-50 for sure.

What have you done just for yourself lately to maintain some sanity?

Errin: I would say it's health and fitness, which I've always been into and I've done that throughout my life for a wide variety of things, but right now I'm really enjoying HIIT bootcamp classes. And so I force myself to do that three times a week at least. And a good girlfriend of mine is my trainer and a fitness coach, so she's a great motivator. And really that just keeps me centered mentally, not just physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it. And she's even sparked interest in me possibly following suit within the training, fitness training realm. So we'll just see what happens. 

If you were to design a t-shirt right now for working parents what would it say?

Errin: I can't claim it as my own, but I saw something recently that said you need a village to raise a child and you need a vineyard to homeschool one. I thought that was pretty awesome.

All I want to do is just drink wine at the end of the day and just sit on my couch. It's tiring, but I can't claim it as my own, but I saw that.

What’s one thing I didn’t ask but I should ask my next guest?

Errin: I just thought it was important to talk about motivation there's so many people in different walks of life and there's so many people that have the options that they have in front of them, some are more limited than the others. And things change on a dime, so I think just figuring out, asking them what their motivation is I think. And if they can't figure it out, what would their go-to motivation be. If they could figure it out what would they say. I think that would be helpful.

Do you feel like your kids have different ways of getting motivated these days than ever before?

Errin: I have to say, and I'm not proud of this, I always put something over them like if we can get three assignments done before noon we will go out for ice cream after dinner. There's a lot of that happening, which is fine, but I feel like I have to dangle something.

Some days are better than others. And of course one kid's personality is totally the opposite. My daughter just seems to be self-motivated a lot more and enjoys doing good work, so she's excited to get it done. The problem with her is she moves too fast and needs a lot of monitoring. My son, who is so bright, and when he gets work done, he does very well, he's kind of a procrastinator. He's like my husband. So you kind of have to treat them a little bit differently.

At the beginning of e-learning, when we kind of spoke with them about the choice to go back in person or to stay home, we actually involved them. We had them read all of the changes that was going to happen at school, the cohorts that they were going to have to be a part of, no more gym, outside recess, no more... And they looked at that and they said, let's just stay home, mom. We did it in the spring, we can do it again.

Involving them in their choices when we can is helpful because they feel like everything's out of their control at the moment.

Errin: Absolutely.

It gives them almost a sense of power and confidence like, okay, well my parents allowed me to be a part of the conversation. They're talking to me, not talking down to me. They're sharing what they know and they're allowing me to help make the choice. I think that gives them confidence for sure.