The Topline: Director at The Mom Project on What Moms Need Now
In this episode of The Topline, we welcome Sonia Antolec, Director of People and Legal at The Mom Project. She has a college-aged son, so has been through all stages of motherhood and tries to set a good example through her actions. With Sonia, we talk about how the recent pandemic has had a huge effect on so many mothers, especially women of color, why that is, and what we can do about it. Working from home is tough. Working from home with children is on another level. Sonia sends us off with some words of advice for mothers who are trying to do all the things.
What is your scenario right now in terms of the day to day?
Sonia: I am working from home. I've learned to really love it. It's the first time where you don’t have to run around to try to get it all done... don’t have to go from work to a networking event to an after-school activity. You're not feeling like you've got to make that whole calendar fit. But it comes with its own challenges. My son is 19 and off at a college campus. We don't have virtual in-home remote learning, but we did last year for the second semester, and it was a challenge. The kids are used to you (mom) being the one that does it all. Even though he's a young man, there was a lot of time spent giving him attention. Of course, I did it happily. But the situation was hard even for a 19-year-old. I can't imagine what anyone with younger children or multiple children is really challenged by. I think we're all going and learning through the challenging times and hopefully helping each other out.
How has your son impacted your career overall?
Sonia: I could not fail. I did not have the luxury of even for one second thinking “this isn't going to work out” or “what am I going to do if this doesn't work out?” I've actually always had multiple jobs where I've either been teaching or coaching some type of academic activity in the evenings to provide support for him. I never had the luxury of being someone who didn't have a good professional reputation, or who wasn't known as a go getter. If I failed, it had a huge impact on him and our ability to pay rents or grow. He's got to eat, he's got tuition. He was the best motivation I could have ever had. It was easy. I didn't feel torn to sometimes go to the after work happy hours because I wanted to come home and I wanted to help with homework and it was easier for me than for other young professionals to just be that priority driven and family-centric. It was in a time before we were priority and family driven as a culture and as a society. There were a lot of things I wasn't invited to during working hours, or meetings or strategy sessions or leadership positions, because I wasn't always in those after work social settings. More than anything, he's what keeps me motivated and keeps me going. I'm very aware that I'm setting an example for him.
What conditions do you need in your life to be your most creative? And do you have those right now?
Space. Thinking about creativity, you need space, you need time, you need openness, kind of like a blank canvas and a blank space. Recently, our CEO, Alan Robinson said to me, “I'm going to give you the space,” and I said, “Oh, I really appreciate that.” And it didn't really click for me, that does help improve your creativity and your problem-solving ability: when you have time and space to think things through, as opposed to just checking them off your list. It is like space and time and some of that free time. I call it a blank canvas.
Do you feel like this is a creative time for you? in general?
Sonia: It depends on which part of the roller coaster we're on. It's been a roller coaster for everyone, no matter what industry, what your family dynamic is, where you live, or what your health situation is. I would say in the beginning, there was no space. I'm in people operations, and this is an HR professional’s nightmare.
We've seen a recession before, which was just economics and around finances. This is economics, and finances, and the financial stability of a company, plus the actual health of your team. Having learned from all of that, and recognizing that I was close to burning out and telling myself, “I need to figure out what my hobbies are so I have something to do from five o'clock and on.” Shutting down all the devices and giving myself something to go do that is just for me, and that is completely my own.
I would add that restoration also gives me a lot of time, creativity and space I need to come up with solutions. Like when you're in the shower, not thinking about work, the best ideas come to you. When I'm working on a wood project, or trying to teach myself piano, or baking in the kitchen, or reading a book and not thinking about anything work related, some of those better solutions come to mind.
Can you just tell us a little bit about what The Mom Project is all about?
Sonia: The Mom Project is an online platform for women to get connected to world class employers. It was started by Alison Robinson about five years ago when she was on her maternity leave. She was recognizing and reading more and understanding that 45% of women will leave the workforce to become moms to care for their children, and then they can't get back in. We're constantly talking about diversifying leadership and finding more women leaders. 45% of our pipeline disappears and evaporates and she wanted to solve that. She created this online tool that customers and companies can use to source and find and connect women to their open jobs. It is amazing.
In addition to that, there's also the social impact side of Mom Project. We've just recently launched a nonprofit where we've committed to helping 100,000 moms of color upskill and be able to get certificates in tax so they can join the tech profession. We've been able to really look at what our footprint is going to be in terms of that social impact.
865,000 women left the workforce in September. The data gets even more discouraging when you break it down by women and moms of color. What is your take on the impact that that's having right now on women at work?
Sonia: It's unacceptable. I was trying to understand what 865,000 women really looks like, because it has an impact on you when you hear the number and you realize it's almost a million in just one month. In looking up some statistics and some, it's the population approximately of San Francisco. Can you just imagine if in the span of a month that population just evaporated, and was gone. That's what's happened in this situation. I'm a multicultural woman, myself. I am Hispanic. Knowing that 324,000 of those women are Latinas is also painful, because it has taken so long to get to this point where this many women of color were in the professional space, and were ascending to break through the glass ceiling. They were the pipeline of our VPs, our executives, and overnight, they're gone. 50,000 of them are black moms.
It is just unacceptable, and everyone should be up in arms. Everyone should be trying to figure out how they as employers can support those women, and get them back into the workforce, and keep the women and moms of color that they currently have at their companies. It really should be a call to action across the board no matter what type of employer you are, or what type of a company you are. Check in with those women and moms of color at your company to see what they need, and how you can help and what you can do to be flexible so they can stay in the workforce.
Do you think it's more of a workforce problem or more of a home front problem?
Sonia: It's a combination. We [at The Mom Project] put moms and parents first and 80% of our workforce are parents, not just moms. It's forefront for us. We started at the very beginning saying we're going to lead through this with compassion and empathy. We were honest, when we said we don't have the answers, but we're figuring them out. What we will do first and foremost is be compassionate, empathetic, and we will respect you. We will ask you what you need and what you're going through. That's what we did. We were sending out surveys and we still send out surveys.
I was scheduling one-on-one check-ins with everyone at every level of the company and how they're surviving and coping and getting through things. I knew from my experience having a 19-year-old that it was difficult and challenging. We've got a single mom of two young children on our workforce, we've got moms with four kids in different ages, we've got a mom who has a special needs child, and a medically challenged child as well. I knew that there were people who were really struggling and if you cannot turn to your team and say “you don't have to be on nine to five. We’re going to hear you and we're going to help you make it work,” that's a workforce problem. That is an employer problem just as much as at home trying to balance the playroom that's now your shared workspace, and laundry, catch all room, and that's your boardroom. We all joke about what we have that’s not seen on camera, and that I've got slippers on. I haven't worn a full outfit or heels in a long time. We don't show what's on the other side of the house. It's multi-faceted. And employers cannot say, “Well, this is just hard for them at home.”
What's a tip that you would give working parents right now who are at home with kids trying to do all of the all the things?
Sonia: You've got to be gracious and kind to yourself and forgiving to yourself. Parenting is so hard in and of itself. I joke when I hear young parents or expecting parents say, “I'm just not ready.” I'm 19 years in and I'm not ready. My son is 19. He's a man off to college. I'm still not ready for this. Parenting is so hard in and of itself. Now, it's parenting while working, and it's 24/7/365. Literally, you do not get to shut off, you do not get to turn off any moment. You're working either as a parent, or a partner, or a spouse, or an employee or as a VP, and you're never off, you're never off.
You've got to be gracious. You're going to mess up and you're going to make some mistakes, and that's fine. That's great. Learn from it, and let your children learn from it. Let your children see you be vulnerable, just like we're now talking about vulnerability in the workspace as leaders, let your children see your vulnerability. Let your children know you don't have all the answers just like we're saying to our team. We just don't, and we're really all in this together. I would just say as a parent, right now, you've got to be kind to yourself. You've got to be forgiving, and you've got to be gracious. It's hard to find time for yourself. Am I gonna wake up at 4:30 in the morning to get time to myself because my toddlers and dog are up at 5:00? Or because my spouse is up that early. That's hard. Sometimes the only time you get is when you're in the bathroom and you can lock the door, and there's gonna be a knock.
And we can't go out. We can’t be out and about socializing now either. We've kind of got to throw all that old parenting advice out the window and just be gracious. Own it. You're gonna spaz out, you're gonna break down, fall into that 100%. So you can get into that, and you can get through that, and hopefully come out of it better. Be gracious. Be kind. Be forgiving.
If you were to design a T-shirt for working parents right now, what would the T-shirt say?
Sonia: “Not for the faint of heart.” “Only the strong survive.” I could probably come up with some cheesy, funny ones all day. I think it would just kind of be like, “Never ready, but never better.” It is parenting. Even though I'm still not ready for it, it's still one of the best things ever, being a parent. As hard as it is and as much as it makes you cry and turn to that big bottle of wine, it also fills you like nothing else in the world. When you do get through those hard times with your kids and they do stop crying and when they are asleep at night, and when you can see that they're off to college. There's nothing else like it. I think of all the funny slogans I can probably apply here, I would stick with “Never ready. Never better.”
I would wear that one! Thank you very much for being here and giving us this quick overview of your amazing role at The Mom Project as well as your family life.
Sonia: I really appreciate it. And the opportunity, thank you so much.