The Love Language of Working Moms

Perhaps you’ve heard of Dr. Gary Chapman’s work on The Five Love Languages. I’m a big believer in the concept—that we have a one or two primary ways we give and receive love. The five include Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.

I used this concept in my dating and marriage relationships, but it was when I thought about it in terms of parenting that I really got excited. For example, my son speaks the language of Gifts. He loves to shop for and give things to friends and family, and he is constantly gifting the family with trinkets and treasures and everything in between. In fact, knowing his love language helped me find good separation strategies for him during the preschool years.

As for my own love language, I would say it changed dramatically when I had children. I was always a Quality Time person, thriving on hours of meaningful conversations and deep connections. Once the kids arrived, those hours were in short supply for both parents, so without even realizing it, I became hooked on Acts of Service.

I craved any respite from the gigantic list of tasks on my shoulders every day. Even simple things, like carrying in groceries or making a meal or folding a load of laundry made me feel loved and appreciated, and ever-so-slightly less exhausted.

It’s true men are helping at home more than ever. It’s also true that this is an over-simplified way of looking at it and that women still do one hour per day more unpaid work at home than men.

Common sense, now backed by leading research, shows us that when working moms feel more confident at home, they can be more productive at work.

But the data also shows that half of working parents feel they cannot give 100% at work due to the demands of family.

So, what’s good for the kids (learning their love languages and striving to pour love into their little hearts in the right dialect) is also good for their moms. What’s good for families (sharing unpaid work at home, pouring love into both partners in the right language) is also good for workers.

This Valentine’s Day, if you’re searching for the right gift for the working mom in your life, start with the dishes.