One of Millions: Deciding to Leave My Career During the Pandemic
Author’s Note from Teal Taylor: As the Managing Director at a’parently, I have had the honor of listening to countless stories from hard-working parents. As I heard their accounts of the struggles and challenges they’ve faced over the last two years, it inspired me to share my own story.
The decision to leave my job was difficult and complex and composed of many things that led me to that choice. It would be a tedious feat for me to describe every factor that impacted the decision I made to walk away when I did, but hopefully here, you’ll read my story—as I feel it now—from my heart.
My hope is that you can recognize some of my struggles as your own, whether past or current, and realize you’re not alone.
It wasn’t (only) about the pandemic. The feeling was building.
Maybe the pandemic and all the experiences we each endured during the last almost two years have pushed many feelings we wrestled with before, to the surface. In hindsight, I was burned out long before the pandemic. I had been with my employer for nearly ten years and while I was presented with new challenges frequently throughout my career—new clients, new job roles, new teams—I felt that those challenges only satisfied me so much. I had reached a point where I was ready for something different—a change. I became acutely aware that continuing along with the daily routines my husband and I had established weren’t sustainable. Both of us juggling 45-minute (or more) commutes, long daycare hours for our preschooler and long before and after care for our grade-schooler proved exhausting. We would leave the house around 7:00 each morning, not returning until after 6:00 at night. We were exhausted.
I explored the idea of a job-change more than a few times before getting to this point. My husband and I brainstormed options, but we always ended up in the same place—keeping our situation how we knew it to be. We weighed pros and cons a lot during those times. I had a unique schedule that wasn’t available in equivalent roles at other organizations which seemed like one of most weighted reasons to stay where I was. My work-weeks were four days with Fridays off. While this reduced schedule cost me a portion of my an annual fulltime salary, it awarded me a bit of flexibility to support our home-life. The ability to take on more responsibility in our home with that “extra” day was a huge plus for us. More importantly, that schedule gave me precious time with our boys.
The pandemic did me in. I knew it was time.
My career has always been an important part of who I am. The time I have spent with the people on my team, the relationships I’ve been able to build in the office-setting were pivotal in my job satisfaction. In the years preceding the pandemic, as it was for a lot of us, most of the work happened in the office-setting, allowing me to lean heavily on the personal relationships I had with my teammates to stay positive. Even if attitudes were tense around a project, we could always escape the stress and catch up on family, kids, pets—all of it. While the commute proved a challenge, I liked seeing my colleagues every day. Many of us may have underestimated how valuable those connective interactions, daily and regularly, were to the overall satisfaction in our careers.
In March of 2020, that all changed. Like most companies, we shifted overnight to a 100% remote-work situation. It was a shock to everyone in our company. From an efficiency standpoint, it worked pretty well, considering.
Emotionally, it was an entirely different story. Suddenly, I could no longer rely on the personal connection that happens before and after meetings or in the café as we refreshed our coffee cups. Communication was limited to pre-determined Zoom timeframes and became pragmatic and utilitarian. It’s remarkable how much an understanding smile or a quick desk chat can turn your day around and fill your emotional bucket during a workday.
The feelings continued to build for me as time went on and it became impossible to ignore. I felt isolated, stressed, and worried for the future.
The many hats of a Pandemic-Mom.
McKinsey reported that one in three working mothers with small children considered downshifting their careers or dropping out of the workforce entirely during the pandemic. The report noted that during the pandemic “[working mothers] grappled with a “double shift” of household responsibilities, mental health challenges, a more difficult remote-work experience, and concerns about higher rates of unemployment…” These challenges are exacerbated for mothers of color and single mothers.
I felt every bit of this juggle from the very beginning. When schools shut down initially in the Spring of 2020, we gritted our teeth and tried to survive the remainder of the school year. There were only a few weeks left and looking back on it, we naively believed that COVID-19 would simply derail us for a few weeks and we’d be back to normal. At the time, our oldest son was in second grade, our younger in preschool. Both boys were suddenly home 24/7 with little to no connection to friends or family outside of our home. My husband and I attempted to share in the responsibilities of supporting our oldest in his remote learning while our youngest rattled around the house like a (cute) caged animal. We celebrated when the school year ended a week earlier than expected, in May of 2020.
The boys enjoyed their summer freedom for a few weeks. I soaked up the feeling of some relief as well. It was nice not having to dig through the five different school tech platforms just to figure out what was due that day. But, if I’m honest, the novelty wore off quickly and a cloud of guilt settled over me—one that would remain there for many months to follow.
Throughout the summer, I—for lack of a better word—ignored my kids. I was frustrated with them for needing things from me when I had to work, I was angry with them for making noise during a call I was on, or disrupting me when I was racing toward a deadline. And I felt terrible that this was the kind of mother I was being to them. Like all parents who were forced to “live where they work,” the daily structure and work hours became very fluid. Everything was flowing together and felt blurred. I was working most Fridays now and becoming more and more resentful. Fridays were supposed to be the time I spent with my kids, focused on their happiness and instead, I didn’t have definition to any of it.
I remember one Friday—October 16, 2020 to be exact—where I had to work on a project all day my kids played by themselves. By definition, it was my supposed “day off.” This particular Friday happened to be my 10th wedding anniversary—a day I had looked forward to for weeks. We had a special dinner at home planned and I was going to shower, do my hair and makeup and try to feel “normal” for an evening. When my husband got home that night, I was tense, stressed, and angry. I tried my best to pull myself together and be present. I had anticipated this time—just us—to feel like “me” again. It was a lovely evening, but it wasn’t how I wanted to feel going into that night on such a special day.
When school began in the Fall of 2020, we were understandably nervous but despite all the unknowns, we were excited. Our oldest was starting 3rd grade in a hybrid schedule and my youngest was starting kindergarten and would be in school Monday through Thursday with his Fridays off.
Kindergarten was a dream. My son loved his teacher and his classmates. He was excited to have a place to go every day. He was attending a small private school and they did a tremendous job keeping the students and staff safe. I did my best to spend as much quality time with him as I could when his big brother was at school. We needed a “win” and he got to start such an important year successfully—so I breathed a sigh.
Hybrid learning was a challenge for us. My 3rd grader thrives on time with his peers and in-person learning. He had always been a dedicated and quick-learner. He had now become stressed and unmotivated. I worried about his mental health as he faced so much in his young life beginning a new elementary year. I struggled to support him emotionally and wondered if I was doing enough for him or completely failing him on what he needed to make it through.
In the months leading up to the start of school I felt disconnected from my husband—my usual source of support and strength. Once, my safe-space, we were both tapped out and with everything going on and it was challenging to prioritize our relationship. He was trying, I think, but I was unreachable. This only added to the guilt I felt. I am convinced we don’t talk enough about the impact the pandemic had on marriages. We seem to talk more about how it impacts individuals, families, and kids, but not marriages. I never worried mine would end, thank goodness, but I did feel like a terrible partner.
I felt like I was failing at everything.
About three months into the school year, in October 2020, was my breaking point. I remember emotionally breaking down, crying and telling my husband that I didn’t feel like myself and that I was letting everyone down. I didn’t know what to do. We had just celebrated our anniversary. Nothing about this was how I wanted to feel. I felt helpless and desperate. It was clear something had to change.
I made an appointment to talk with my doctor who prescribed me some antidepressants. It helped a little bit and my head began to clear. But unfortunately, pharmaceuticals don’t solve all your problems.
One morning, on his way out the door for work, my husband said, “What if you took a break from work for a while?” I stopped in my tracks, relieved--and right then and there the seed was planted.
He had fought his way back from the initial business impact of the pandemic and was feeling much more secure with the state of his business. At this point, for him, extra support at home would allow him to take the pace of his business even further. We were also very fortunate to have been able to bolster our savings during the pandemic because we stayed home most of the time. My salary had always been critical to our personal finances, but we had an opportunity to make a change. It was not lost on me how privileged we were to even consider this when so many families lost so much. I decided I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.
In November of 2020, I did what I’d only ever imagined—I gave my notice. My last day was in December, right before Christmas.
Close one door and a new one opens.
It felt very strange leaving an organization I had devoted 10 years of my career to. I don’t know if anyone can anticipate the exact way it feels when you take a step like that. But it was a good decision for our family. My initial plan was to go on a “sabbatical” for 8-10 months and start working once the boys were back in school the following year. As fate would have it my sabbatical plans were derailed about four months in when Marti Post (our Founder) reached out with an opportunity I couldn’t refuse—to step in as Managing Director at a’parently.
a’parently met me right where I was at, during a time when I never expected a chance like this. I felt passionate about helping struggling working parents and being part of a company that partners with organizations to help them at the source was a dream. It all seemed too good to be true. But sometimes just the right thing meets you right where you’re at—when you both might need it most.
In the last nine months, I have had the fortune of prioritizing what’s most important to me: my husband, my kids, my relationships, and truly—myself too. I started exercising, eating more balanced, drinking less wine, practicing mindfulness and being present in the moment. I also work hard to give myself the same grace and forgiveness I would give to a loved one. I have a long way to go, but I’m getting there. My new role has allowed me the flexibility I need to get my kids on and off the bus each day and close my laptop once they’re home. It has also allowed me to connect with hard-working parents in all sorts of industries. Sharing stories, challenges and advice has been cathartic after so many months of feeling the constant guilt and failure. The giving and receiving aspect of my new career role has been a gift to me—one that I unwrapped by surprise. Knowing I am a part of offering connection, resources, and support to each of these working professionals has given new purpose to the professional work I do.
I am unable to conclude my story without noting how thankful I’ve been for the opportunities my former employer provided me and the life I was able to build because of them. I will never take that for granted all that I was blessed with during my years there. I created invaluable friendships, was surrounded by so much talent and grew alongside some of the best professionals in their fields. In many ways, we all grew up together. After a decade together, that’s what happens—a lot of growth, and I will always look back and be thankful for their support and loyalty. After all, none of us are meant to walk this journey alone.
Teal Taylor
Teal leads a'parently with a personal commitment to help employers recruit and retain working parents. After her own pandemic-inspired career shift, Teal knew it was time to take a role where she could make a difference for the countless families who are trying to juggle careers and care.
For the first 15 years of her career, Teal led growth and partnerships for digital agencies Oneupweb, and Mindstream Interactive, where she was in charge of relationship management, strategic business development, and client satisfaction.
At a'parently, Teal oversees relationships and account growth, enabling our clients to move the needle on employee perception and satisfaction among working parents.
She also directs the a'parently Coalition, a unique partnership of experienced women leaders and strategists who deliver solutions to our clients and partners.