5 Reminders for Working Parents During the Holiday Season
Magical Moments Come in all Shapes & Sizes
With Halloween behind us, our minds quickly shift to holiday mode. Halloween night, post-trick-or-treat, as we watched Hocus Pocus for the 15th time this year, I mentioned to my husband that we should start thinking about ordering our gifts early due to the supply chain issues. We’re also already talking through our travel plans with our parents and siblings. And just like that, the holidays are here.
I love creating memories and fulfilling traditions with my family during the holidays. I want my children to remember doing special things and hope they will pass a couple of those traditions along to their families in the future. But there’s a big caveat here: I want happy (and peaceful) memories too. So does my husband. And we deserve them.
If your family lives for celebrating in big ways and it brings everyone joy, I applaud and support you in your efforts. I love seeing your photos on Instagram and will like them every single time. You are amazing.
You are also amazing if you just can’t with the Elf on the Shelf. Or you cannot muster the patience for a four-hour cookie-making marathon. Or didn’t plan the matching-outfit-winter-wonderland photoshoot in time to get them on your holiday cards. And you know what, it’s also okay if you jump ship on sending holiday cards completely. I am this mom, and I am not mad about it.
If you stop judging yourself and think about it: we all have special holiday traditions that are memorable and lovely—and our kids want happy and present parents more than anything, right?
It’s Okay to Do Less When You’re Doing More
Long before the pandemic, and even more so now, parents are busy, tired, and overworked. They’ve managed busy workdays followed by long commutes and hectic evening routines. They’ve felt the pressure of recreating Pinterest-level experiences that are costly and time-consuming. The holidays heighten this pressure and it’s exhausting mentally and physically.
You certainly don’t need my permission, but I am here to tell you: it’s okay to do it your own way. Releasing societal expectations is liberating and freeing.
As you start thinking about your holiday plans, here are a couple of things I’ve learned from other hard-working parents during sessions with a’parently. I hope they help you enjoy the holidays a little more too.
Tip 1: Embrace Downtime & Spontaneity
It’s okay to not have the entire two weeks of your children’s break planned out. The concept of downtime is underrated. It’s also in these quite moments that spontaneity inspires. In a recent client session, a hard-working parent talked about their first holiday in a new city after making a cross-country move—all in the heat of the pandemic. Instead of taking on the pressure of fashioning a magical holiday according to the standards of Pinterest and social media, they took the time they needed to recover and get settled in their new home. They slept in late, made forts out of boxes, blankets and fairy lights, picked out the perfect Christmas tree and made their own memories. I can relate—our family is all about the quiet mornings, pancakes, and impromptu snowball fights with our neighbors.
Tip 2: Don’t Add Additional Financial Stress
It’s been a difficult year—many families are still in suffering from or recovering from job loss, pay cuts and more. Many of have made the difficult choice to leave the workforce to prioritize family. Even if you were fortunate enough to avoid these devastating events, the financial stress of the holidays can feel like an unescapable reality.
I have always loved the idea of the Four Gift Rule: something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. I’ve also seen variations where something to wear is replaced with somewhere to go.
When you’re tempted to splurge on the trendy, expensive toy or pick up extra gifts at the last minute, reflect on what made the holidays feel rich within your own childhood.
Tip 3: Be Selective with your Time
Most working parents do not have the luxury of taking off the entirety of their child’s two-week holiday break. This means you are left with precious little time to enjoy the spirit of the holidays—so make it count!
Don’t feel pressured to schedule several activities in the limited time you have. It’s likely some of it is already accounted for with family gatherings, holiday parties, etc., so protect the time you have. Plan a few of your favorite holiday activities and let the rest go. A parent in a recent Foundations for Working Parents session told me about their simple, yet joy-inducing, holiday tradition: they set aside one night to walk through a neighborhood famous for their over-the-top Christmas light presentations. After their walk, they stop for hamburgers at a local pub (and a red wine, for mom.)
One new mother I spoke with recently suggested establishing traditions throughout the season. As a new mother herself, she plans to sprinkle activities throughout November and December so that grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close friends can participate. This helps her protect her time around the busiest times!
Tip 4: Carve Out a Little “Me” Time
If possible, make it a point to set aside a bit of time to do something for yourself. Whether it’s prioritizing your exercise program, getting your nails done, grabbing a coffee by yourself, taking a hot bath, taking a long walk, etc., carve out a bit of time to fill your own bucket during arguably, one of the busiest seasons of your year.
The months leading up to holiday was a very busy time in the agency world. Teams were taxed, tired, and stressed by the time things settled in late December. In my opinion, even more reason to take some time to fill your own cup so you can feel happier and more relaxed during your “vacation.”
A Foundations for Working Parents alum shared their secret to prioritizing themselves during the holidays: she and a friend get a hotel room one night in mid-December. They get some holiday shopping done, but also take a moment to relax by having a nice dinner, one-on-one conversation, and time with a close friend. She explained that after this yearly tradition, she always feels refreshed and excited for the upcoming season.
Tip 5: Get (More) Comfortable with Saying “No Thank You”
I am intentionally ending with this one because it’s the hardest—but it’s also one of my favorite forms of holiday self-care. If you’re lucky, you’re faced with many invitations to participate in joyous and festive holiday events, all opportunities to see your nearest and dearest. But over-scheduling quickly leads to stress and can cost you a very important aspect of the season: peace and quiet.
I know some people thrive when their schedule is full, and they are in constant good company. I feel this way sometimes too…but I am often left feeling like I didn’t get the downtime I need to recalibrate.
All I am saying is that you deserve some time to recharge your battery during the holidays—whatever that may mean to you. If it means turning down an invitation or two, rid yourself of the guilt and set yourself a reminder on your phone to reconnect with that friend or family member after the holidays. Chances are that your visit with them will be better quality when you both are a bit more relaxed.
Parents: The Holidays are About You, Too
We’d love to hear your ideas and tips for making the holidays happy for everyone—even yourself. If you’ve got a tip that works for you, please email us at hello@a-parently.com or DM us on Instagram @a_parently.ltd. We’d love to share it with our community!