Tips for Working Parents Facing COVID-19 School Closures
At 2:26 p.m. today, we were notified that the governor of Ohio (where I live and work and am co-parenting two elementary-aged kids) has closed all public and private schools in the state for three weeks, effective Monday March 16. This “extended spring break” will hopefully help us “flatten the curve” of COVID-19, the coronavirus currently reaching pandemic proportions in the United States.
This “extended spring break” will also drive working parents to new levels of stress and distraction.
Working parents already feel stretched in too many directions and without enough of a “village” around them to help them get through the average school week.
If you’re agonizing about working from home while your kids run amok for three weeks, you’re not alone. I’m worried too, so rather than recreate the wheel, I’m sharing this great article in the Harvard Business Review that has some some relevant, practical advice.
I’m sure you don’t want to be reminded right now that having a job with remote work flexibility is a privilege, as is having enough food at home to replace what the school might be serving your child if it were in session. It’s true, and it’s also true that working from home while your kids run amok for three weeks is gonna be damn hard.
Not for the reasons you might think, though; mostly it will be hard because we don’t parent with a community mentality in the United States.
In my research for Retrofit: The Playbook for Modern Moms, I learned a lot about the history of motherhood in our social system. In our country, we “soldier on” and “go it alone” and “take care of ourselves.” Since World War II, we have set up each family as its own nation-state, and we have largely struggled to manage the increasing load of dual-income parents, busier and busier schedules, more demands on us from higher-and-higher-maintenance kids and schools, and the crushing flow of digital communication headed our way at. all. times.
Sure, the kids are likely bringing home lessons or homework, or will be doing some eLearning activities. Some resourceful human has even started a Google Sheet showing educational tools and subscriptions that are free during school closures. And there’s always Netflix.
There is one thing, however, that we will all have to work on if we are to get through these upcoming weeks and months with our jobs, our sanity, and our families intact. And that’s our mindset.
I see three ways we need to shift our mindset.
1) Develop a “village parenting” mindset
If you’re comfortable having your kids around small groups of other kids and adults during school closures (and if your region isn’t on total lockdown and will allow it), then it’s time to make your “village roll call.”
Think of the natural groups in your current community — it could be by grade, by class, by neighborhood or street, by church, by sports team, by age level, or even by parental workplace.
Make a list and reach out to these small groups to see if they want to co-op the childcare over the next several weeks. You can set up tag-teams of parents or older students and stagger the schedule, so that on any given day, as many parents as possible are getting as much time and space for work as possible.
Remember it is more important to focus on why we do something than the way we do something. In other words, lower your standards. Then lower them again. As long as the goal is met (everyone is fed and functioning and fever-free at the end of the day), then it really doesn’t matter if your kids ate organic or played inside or outside. All that matters is they washed their hands and you got to work. This is actually a great opportunity for kids to learn how other households work, and practice their manners, and a great chance for the adults to be reminded that kids’ expectations are low. They love Mac ‘n cheese. So be it.
NOTE: all of the above ideas are still key if you’re isolating at home and only sharing child care with your parenting partner. Especially the part about lower standards.
2) Develop a “habit creation” mindset
You will essentially be changing how everyone in your household functions for an extended period of time. This is a daunting nightmare. But, you can and will build new habits. The trick is to build them intentionally. Starting the day with Cheerios and TV shows will become a habit very quickly, but so would starting the day in a different way. Say, everyone making their beds.
Give new habits some thought, and be realistic. Your kids are not going to deep clean their rooms or get ahead on their college essays or learn a new language during this “time off.” They could, however, be guided to find time each day for quiet reading, or a full-body sweat, or making art.
When building habits, use the trigger>habit>reward system. As a corporate trainer with Mindset Digital, I learned that creating new habits in our work lives will succeed much better and faster if we tie the new habit to a repeatable trigger (i.e. always check your email after lunch) and a nice reward (i.e. a piece of chocolate or walk around the corner once your email Inbox has been reviewed.) These tactics will work for the kids, and for you.
3) Develop a “task management” mindset
When everyone comes to work for the same hours every day, we get used to the idea of our coworkers “being there.” This is helpful when we suddenly remember, at 2:48 p.m. that we wanted to ask someone a question about an assignment. We worked together in spontaneous ways because we could. Now, the superpower will be how well you plan ahead. Review your calendar at night (preferably at least 2 days out) and do a “mental scan.” If you were to have that day in the office, see those people, discuss those topics, what would you need to be prepared for? Who would need involved?
Don’t even think about trying to manage your time. Focus on managing your tasks. In other words, forget the timesheet and ramp up the to-do list. You might want to rethink your format. Some people like bullet journaling, others like color-coding, still others like apps for their lists. The point is, you’re about to enter the fourth dimension of “fractured time.” This dimension is characterized by unpredictable snippets of time (thus giving up on time management will really help - just admit you will not be entirely in control of your time). So, your list needs to be ready — don’t procrastinate a 10-minute task because you think it’s a 30-minute task and you know damn well you’re not going to get 30 uninterrupted minutes because Netflix shows are 22 minutes long.
That kind of thinking will ruin you.
Instead, make your list in some sort of Small/Medium/Large buckets. What are the things that need to be tackled in the peace and quiet after the little darlings are asleep? And, what are the little things that can be crushed when you are stealing a hot minute between refereeing fights and trying to figure out how to access your child’s online learning app?
Last but not least, make sure to check in on each other - coworkers, neighbors, the parents of your kids friends. We will get through this and just think how battle-tested we will be when it’s time to plan for summer childcare.