What Partners Can Learn From Co-Parents During Coronavirus

As I write this, my children are with their dad. He’s attempting to work from home, manage their busy day of Zoom calls with their teachers and friends, keep them entertained/fed/rested/exercised, enforce their hand-washing, and maintain his own sanity. He will get no breaks, even at night.

That will be me, starting tomorrow.

It’s a difficult situation on so many levels. But, as I’ve been navigating co-parenting during the coronavirus outbreak, I’ve realized there are some lessons all parents can take from those of us whose kids have two homes.

Parents Need Timeouts, Too

When my kids are away, I spend at least part of the first evening or morning in what I call “deep rest.” This can include yoga, prayer and meditation, sitting still on the couch without a screen nearby (my favorite because it’s the most rare for me), or actually sleeping. Many parents cannot give themselves periods of “deep rest” for hours, but there is something to be said for a true “break” from your kids.

So, try going behind a closed door for just 10 minutes. Get a sign that says “Timeout” and put it on the door. Deputize your parenting partner to be completely in charge while you’re in timeout.

Create a Kid Captain

If your kids are young enough to enjoy this, give out a “Kid Captain” badge or wear a cape or certain color shirt when you’re on parent duty. Do this while you partner has a timeout or gets work done. You can switch by shifts during the day or by day. No matter how you slice it up, train your kids that the Kid Captain is their only choice right then. And if you’re the parent working or in timeout, no swooping in!

Separate from Kids Thoughtfully (Even for One Call!)

I’ve given this next one a lot of thought. When I drop off my kids to their dad, similar to when I drop them at school or used to drop them at daycare (you know, in the good old days), I give thought to what they will need to leave me peacefully, and what they’ll need while they’re away from me. Sometimes it’s just supplies, like their favorite lovey or their lunch. Sometimes, it’s an extra dose of affection pitched in their love language.

Now, when they’re with me and I’m trying to start a work call, I’m often guilty of rushing them toward an activity, haphazardly hoping their iPad is charged or their headphones are somewhere to be found or they won’t decide in five minutes they’re hungry.

Instead, pretend each separation is like a drop-off. This will help them leave you alone, and help you cement the habit of checking all their needs before expecting them to leave you alone.

Let Them See The Love

When you are parenting together, you can become robotic. I get it. It’s A LOT, especially right now.

What if, while you have each other nearby, you try at least once a day to let your kids see you show affection for your parenting partner. This can be a quick hug or shoulder rub, it can be a kind word, or a little joke. Turns out, it would be good to know your partner’s love language, too.